The last time I met my friends for a day of hanging out in trendy
spots, a flock of pterodactyls bombed my car with giant poop bombs.
You'd think that would deter me from wanting to leave my house
again. Because I am the only person living in
Southern California who has never been to Olvera Street, when my
friends suggested we go there, I put on a sports bra and jumped at the
chance. We made a plan to meet at The Dock, a home decor store we've
all wanted to check out. The directions to The Dock were simple. Take
the 5 South, exit 4th street and turn right. I did exactly what the
directions said and I got lost. Of course I got lost, when am I not
lost? I drove right by The Dock which is impossible to see as you drive
by it. There is NO sign on the FRONT of the building. I called my
friends who knew I'd be lost and they talked me, street by street, back
to The Dock. I parked and made sure there were no trees near my car. No
trees, no birds, no poop.
We went in and were greeted by a handful of store employees who looked like if they weren't working in retail, they'd for sure be regulars on The Hills. They each had their own cute little shivering mouse-style dogs in sweaters, held close to their hearts. Hmmmm. We wandered from the candles to the aprons to the Buddha statues. As we stood looking at the "as seen at Anthropologie" bedding, I realized that my left foot was in a pile of dog poop. Isn't that what YOU expect to happen while you shop for LINENS indoors? What the hell? No matter where I am, I keep attracting shit. Actual animal shit. When we stopped laughing, I told the residents of The Hills that there was dog poop on their floor and on my NEW SHOE. One of the guys set his doggie down and quickly offered to wash my shoe for me, which was good because there was no way my friends were going to go anywhere with dog-poop shoe girl. The smell was making me gag, so I understood. It was making me gag so much that I'd -for a moment-considered just cutting off my foot because I didn't think I could touch my shoe.
With my shoe cleaned and disinfected, we made our way to Olvera Street, still decorated for Day of The Dead and for every tourist searching for Frida Kahlo anything. On the way back to my car, we discussed our next adventure. I better figure out what the universe is trying to teach me before then. I am afraid, very afraid. Does anyone know where I can get a HazMat jumpsuit?
Puppets on Olvera Street that reminded me of....US!!! This is what we'd look like as puppets.
Visit Linda Woods Artworks for prints on canvas, paper, or wood for all size spaces and budgets.