JOURNAL REVOLUTION

losing my appetite

A major problem with life in the last couple years that has gotten way worse is that nothing works anymore. Light bulbs give off weird light then burn out fast. Hostess Cupcakes taste like formaldehyde.  "Permanent" hair dye fades in three washes. Tooth paste has the consistency and taste of salty shaving cream. Clothes are hideous. And, the most serious offense: deodorant smells like rotting salami.
If our hair and clothes are going to look bad, we'd at least like to smell OK in the weird light while we eat flavorless food. Luckily, stylist to the stars, Jake Surette, made me whole again with a custom hair dye recipe that has not faded. Buddha bless him. Though, there was no magic deodorant in his bag of tricks. So for the last couple months (since this post) I have tested all the deodorants that didn't make me gag at first whiff. Most made me gag a few hours after wearing them.
The Secret Flawless line does work well but every single scent I tried (and I tried them all) had a base if either wet carpet, dog bath, or deli platter that self-refreshed every hour or so. They also all left white marks all over my uniform of a black t-shirt despite the package claim that says invisible. Yeah, right. I moved on to Lady Speed Stick 24/7 which dares you to wear black. Too bad there was no prize for that dare. It had good fragrance ( Powder Burst) but it also got all over my black wardrobe and needed to be reapplied after 20 minutes of sunbathing in 101 degree sun. I am not even a serial sweater. In the olden days, the normal version of Secret worked all day and smelled great.
I decided to try the Clinical versions of Secret (Sport scent)  and Dove (Original Clean scent) thinking "clinical" might just be the Supersize version of deodorant. And you know how Americans love to Supersize! The directions for the clinical versions of deodorant (which, by the way, cost twice as much) say to apply at night. That's too much work. I applied in the morning before getting dressed. Neither left white marks on my black shirt! Neither needed to be reapplied even after sunbathing, treadmilling, and being nervous. The Secret did have a little bit of a green pepper mixed with men's deodorant smell. The Dove just smells nice and clean and pretty. DOVE ORIGINAL CLEAN CLINICAL PROTECTION wins!!!! I am super excited to be able to eat a deli sandwich without smelling like one. I am also saving time every morning by not having to stand and wipe deodorant off my shirt. Life is getting so good.
Bonus: If you are needing to lose your appetite really fast and all this talk of deli platter deodorant hasn't done it for you, brush your teeth with the new Aquafresh ISO-ACTIVE FRESH IMPACT Toothpaste in the shaving cream canister. It's  the consistency and taste of salty shaving cream. Just typing the description is making me reach for a bucket.

You're the boss!

Since my husband has been home, I have been staying up even later than usual and have overslept every single day! I wake up in a panic and think oh no, my boss is totally going to fire me! It's a frightening thing to have that thought since I am the boss. Who else will  do all my work?
Being in business for yourself as an artist involves just as much business as it does art. Some days, it's all business and no art. Some days, around here it's all cookies and Oprah and no art or business but that's our little secret. One very important aspect of a career in art is self-promotion. I have written an article to help artists get started with self-promotion and it is featured on the new, sleek, badass site JAYEL AHERAM. Click here to read the article. When you're done reading the article, be sure to take a look at Jayel's amazing photography and his writings. I am always so delighted by the way he sees the world.

YES: Live a good day

YES: live a good day! Now you can have a little reminder on your wall~ this new print is available in my shop. The original work on canvas  will be for sale at a fundraising event to benefit Sexual Minority Youth Resource Center in Portland, Oregon.

SMYRC provides a safe, supervised, harassment-free, and alcohol- and drug-free space for sexual minority youth 23 and younger. Youth gather to participate in positive activities like art, music, community organizing, youth development, education, peer support, support groups, case management, counseling, and job readiness preparation.

Giving away some LOVE!

QUICK! I'm giving one of my LOVE prints to a random commenter on Pamela Detlor's blog post about LOVE! Go here to read and comment by Sunday, May 3rd for your name to be tossed into the heart shaped box. Pam is the boss of her own contest.
You never know what other gifts of love could be tossed into the love pot so follow her or me on Twitter to find out! We're both feeling happy and generous.

a contest!

I have a new damaged copy of Visual Chronicles. The spine and back cover are roughed up* and 2 or 3 of the last pages (the resource pages) have a little hole in them but are still readable and intact and overall the book is fine. It's especially fine for FREE! Let's have a contest! The prize will be a (signed**) damaged version of our now very collectible first book. Comment here and tell us what you had for lunch by Saturday, April 18th at midnight. Names will be written on a little piece of paper and tossed into an empty It's-It box and a winner will be chosen at random.

*Not USED roughed up but roughed up like the cover got caught on something before it was packed and shipped.
**It might only be signed by me if I don't see Karen in the next few days. Or,I could forge her signature~ whatever you want.

light and fresh

My hands are really important to me. They are what I use to hold the fork that holds the food. They are what I use to hold the camera that takes the photo. They are often the hands that are in the photos. They are what I use to to make the art. Some people even say my hands are what I use to speak! Since the  the incident where my nails suddenly turned gross and half the internet told me I had athlete's foot of the hand (internet, you were wrong) I have been paying extra careful attention to what I put on my hands.
A couple weeks ago I was on twitter checking out who my brothers (Tod and Lee) were following and I saw that they were both following our step-brother (Tim) and then I started looking at who he was talking to because even though I haven't seen him in years, I saw we had a person in common not related to us. And somewhere in a sea of familial tweets, someone somewhere that I can't find now, had Melanie Mayron on their followers list. Oh, Melanie! Melanie played the denim jacket wearing photographer sister of the whiny ad guy on Thirtysomething. We watched that show religiously. I wore denim jackets and had a camera, too! Hmmm....look what I grew up and became! I clicked on Melanie's twitter stream and saw that she and her dad (a chemist!) have a line of natural diaper cream! I loved the retro look of the packaging and when I read the list of other uses for this cream including Schvitzy Tuchas, I was sold. I was also laughing. If a cream could help a schvitzy tuchas, maybe it could help my hands that end up covered in glue and paint and are washed repeatedly all day. And full of vitamins and essential oils- even BETTER!
Mayron's Good Baby has lived up to my expectations! I put it on my hands before starting a mixed media piece and it has kept my hands lovely! You don't need a lot and it won't make your hands feel all greasy and slimy and it smells light and fresh. Even while alternating between paint and glue and hand washing, I did not need to reapply and it seemed to  make the glue come off my hands easier (a welcome bonus!). On a recent photo shoot in the Mojave Desert on a very windy and warm day, I rubbed the cream on my hands before starting and my heavy camera never felt slippery in my hands and my palms remained callus-free. You know what else happens when you roam the desert on a hot day? Your tuchas gets schvitzy. Mayron's Good Baby saved the day!
Mayron's Good Baby is GREAT for hands that make things. I'm sure it's good for baby's butt, too.
Good thing my hands led me all over twitter.

*Melanie Mayron has done a lot of good tv.

courtesy of linda woods

One of the things we didn't include on our Company Policy (but will in Volume 2)  is a rule I  live by:
If you keep having the same problem, do something else.

We get really bored having the same problems over and over and we do our best to change our responses and reactions to situations to at the very least prevent boredom and annoyance. I was hoping that art thieves would read my post the other day and think differently before they right-clicked my art. That didn't work. So now, I am trying something different.
Yesterday, someone sent me a link to this blog where the blogger has taken the art from my etsy shop and created her own banner with it, complete with my copyright watermark on the image! In the side bar, she has another image from my etsy shop with the words Courtesy of Linda Woods.  WHAT?!  It's possible I gave permission for someone to use my art so I checked my files and didn't see this blog listed. And, if I were going to give images to someone to use, they'd not have to use the versions with the copyright watermarks on them. So, yeah. It's of course annoying that she's stealing my art and using it as her blog banner and that she apparently thinks "courtesy of" means it's ok to take without asking first. I am annoyed with the lack of ego boosting and linking going on here. If you are going to STEAL, at least appeal to the artist's ego so she'll be less inclined to blog about you.
Here's how I would do it.
Oh my Buddha! The other night I was listening to some songs I got off limewire while surfing etsy for art I want to steal. I found this really cool photo of an old motel and diner! This photographer is amazing! You should check her out. Her work is fantastic. I love motels and diners! I want to be at one right now. I can't be at one right now because my husband and sister both got cancer at the same time. What are the fucking odds of that? Oh, and while they were having cancer, my teeth started falling out.  Our medical bills are sky fucking high. And I still don't have my teeth yet. My husband's shoulder is healing just fine though, which is good because he'll be unemployed next week so maybe he can chop wood for the fire to keep us warm. We could sit on the sofa together while I cry about my cancery sister and look at this fabulous photo of the hotel and diner. I saved this image to my computer and am going to frame it. I like the way it says Ranch all faded out in the center. What a cool effect.  Isn't it great that the photographer can make a living selling her art during this horrible economy? Good for her. I love her work. I'll take a photo of it hanging on my wall as soon as my printer is done. I think I am almost out of ink.

Something like that would be good. Or, you could always just EMAIL THE ARTIST FIRST! If you would like to use my art as a design element in your blog, email me for a price list.

*Visit Desert Nana at Etsy for some of MaryBeth's wonderful photography and vintage treasures. We love her. She doesn't know I stole her image for this blog post. So I guess the appropriate** thing to do here would be to write photo courtesy of Retro Ranch.

** Appropriate here means what shoplifters do.

******UPDATE***** The blogger sent me a lovely apology email and has taken my art down.

musical revolutions from brave women!

My favorite group of singing sisters is starting their own artful revolution tonight by plastering the internet with the beautiful sound of their voices. Listen to a few of their new songs while you can here.  Their new album is produced by Jann Arden,  who has her own new CD coming out soon. I am so excited about both new releases!
Super brave singer, songwriter and pal of ours Jen Foster has just been buzzing all over the place with her musical response to Katy Perry's I Kissed A Girl. Jen's I Didn't Just Kiss Her is now available on iTunes. Way to go Jen! She'll also be featured on Out.com tomorrow.

Thanks to all these talented women who keep giving us great music to listen to while we create!
Now, I just need some friends who bake for a living. I'd be happy to taste-test while listening to new music and making art. Wouldn't that be the best life ever?

loving these valentines

If you're anything like us, you wait until the last minute to do everything. This week, that means rushing to get or make Valentine's Day cards for all the kids in the class if you have kids. Luckily, I do not. Karen does. Karen also has a bottle of drugs and an incision she is nursing so she's really happy that we have some talented friends who have posted easy peasy and super clever Valentine ideas to use.

Artist Tonya Doughty has created some too- cool -for -school but really perfect for school Valentines you can print out. Look here for girls and here for boys and here for stickers. Her Valentines are for personal use only so don't be a bitch and try to make money off of them.

Artist Rachel Whetzel has a very clever idea so your wee one doesn't have to sign his or her name a zillion times and whine for an hour which will annoy YOU. Check her genius idea for not at all LAME Valentines here.
What is most interesting to me is that Rachel used to be named Doughty (too!) but Tonya and Rachel are not related. I secretly hoped they were sisters. Well, it wasn't a secret since I asked one of them if they were related. They should be related since they are both so fun and cool.

I'm still thinking my idea from last year was good so I am sticking with it. This year I used iphone photos.

totally googling himself

As I said yesterday, it's a shame I won't be on the jury for that arrested granny. Poor Edna Jester. Oh how I relate to her.

In a TSG interview, an emotional Jester said that she had repeatedly warned her teenage neighbors that she did not want to retrieve their football since, "I'm not a ball chaser." Jester, pictured at right, added that she frequently told the young football enthusiasts that she did not want them on her property and did not want to be bothered while she was reading the Bible or eating dinner.

The dad of the football playing kids seems like a dick. His name is Paul Tanis. We're gonna go out on a limb here and say he probably suffers from other issues related to his dick, too. Of course it is entirely possible that Edna is a mean old grandma (though it doesn't seem like it and we're taking her side) and if that is the case, you teach your kids how to avoid the mean old lady on the street and how to kick your ball in the other direction so it doesn't go in her yard. We always knew who to avoid on our street.
We're sending a letter of support to Edna. If you want to, too, her address is on the police report here. Hmmm, there's also an address for that dicky Paul Tanis. You know he's totally googling himself.