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After spending months trying to find a good swim teacher, I had an
epiphany. Ladies, if I am ever about to drown, in the 3 seconds before I
go under, I am going to pretend I have no morals and that your husband
is super hot and I am going to ask for his Text Free number. It will be
just a ploy to get him to save my life. Trust me. The moment I am on dry
land, I will thank YOU profusely then bake you some cookies and offer
to help you do the laundry. It's not really that easy to find a good
swim teacher for someone over the age of 5 (seriously). I decided it
would just be quicker and less time consuming to make myself extremely
visible to any man who is near than to actually spend more hours
trying to find the right teacher. In the time it takes me to learn to
swim, your husband could just save me. Life is short, I am not going to
waste it in a pool of toddler pee. Watching Dateline and 20/20 have
pretty much taught me that there will suddenly be a man around any time a woman acts
needy. If my husband saves you, you
better send me some cookies and offer to do the laundry. It's the new
I still can't swim, and that is fine. One more thing moved off my to-do list and added to the Don't Bother list. I feel so much better.
[I should probably find some adult sized floaties, for you know, just in case.]