A big dog with giant arms

This morning I was having breakfast when I heard Biscuit, the little dog from the other side barking up a storm in our front yard. I rarely hear Biscuit barking, well, rarely compared to the barking dogs. I do, however, hear her owner yelling "Biscuiiiiittttt!" which cracks me up so bad that I imitate it when I see biscuits. So I was all freaked that Biscuit was out let alone barking. She was just standing in the center of our lawn barking ferociously toward our garage. I couldn't not see what she was barking at. Naturally, I was in my bathrobe still and my hair was a mess, so I tossed on some wrinkled clothes and grabbed my iPhone. Right before rushing out to save Biscuit from certain doom, I looked out the window again. Biscuit was making friends with a blond woman in our driveway. Hmmm. A blond woman I have never seen before either rushed from nowhere to save Biscuit or she was staking out the house and  I'm gonna have to shank my husband while he sleeps. Then I heard my neighbor scream "Biscuiiiiitttt!" and I bolted from the window so Blondie would not see me in my finest duds. I heard something at my door and as soon as she left I looked. Blondie wants to help me sell my house or buy one. She let me know she cares about me, my house, and the environment by leaving a stack of papers (that will go right in the garbage) on my front porch where they could blow away or be eaten by one of the many dogs on the loose (as she has experienced).
And then I noticed her slogan: Doggone Good Service. And there's a picture of a dog. A big dog with giant arms. I get that dogs attract women at dog parks if you are a single guy, but why am I (still) attracting dogs everywhere on everything? This is getting way out of hand. And really, I live in a yellow house with a red door and a perfect lawn, who would want to sell that? Not me. This real estate agent's intuition isn't very doggone good.

Comments

[Nadia]

you would think that if she had this on her business card that she would have been able to dog whisper biscuit or at the very least he would be her new BFF. funny slogan and I think she could probably use some help on redesigning her business cards. if her service is so doggone good then she would have picked up the crap she dropped on your front step. I would have handed her a poop bag. and yes what is it with all the dog stuff and YOU? maybe start talking about elephants and see if one pops up. if their trunk is up that is good luck or they are just happy to see you! have a wonderful thursday! ciao!

[tod goldberg]

I am offended by her inability to properly capitalize. That, above all else, would prevent me from ever using her doggone good service. Grammar counts, people.

[loriann]

Oh my gawd, are you from Jersey??? LOL....I am....and you sound SO Jersey to me! :) Personally, I would have told her to take her papers and SCOOT. I hate strangers at my door. I don't even like friends at my door unexpectedly! I always have no bra on and bed head. You can relate! :)

By the way, I had BIIIISSSSCUITS with dinner tonight. ;)