a sleepy seester

Karen and I used to have two dogs, Sam (she was the second Sam we had ) and Mandy. Sam and Mandy were opposites. Sam was the baddest dog ever. And Mandy was the sweetest, cuddliest dog you could imagine. Both dogs had one thing in common: they barked at air, falling leaves, their own shadows. And, they did it non-stop.  I don't recall a night ever when one of us wasn't up shaking a can of coins to make the barking stop. I am sure the neighbors just loved us. When we had only Sam, people told us if we got another dog Sam would bark less because she'd have a friend. What a load of crap that turned out to be. We just had two barking dogs (and one who would eat her own crap right after barking for an hour which made the situation even weirder).
So now I have this cat. She's cute and cuddly and fun to play with. And she is the meowiest cat ever. She is the Mandy of cats except she's not eating her own poo (yet). She's even got a good sarcastic meow which makes me think she is a cat from The Tribe. Any chance she gets to respond to something I have said, she will, even if I am talking on the phone. She has an opinion on everything. It's cute during the day when we are awake. It's also quieter.
At night she turns into really LOUD meowiest cat ever. I have barely slept in weeks and I am really starting to feel it. Of course I have been twittering my annoyance and everyone is telling me to let her in our bed, get another cat, or let her into the wild as cats are supposed to be. Uh huh. I am not one of those people who wants to sleep with a cat in the bed. I have a husband in my bed to cuddle with. I don't like cat hair in my bed. I don't like cat dander in my bed. I don't like cat drool in my bed. We put a pillowy bed for Suki in our room (on the floor) but the problem is she is a kitten. Like cigarette smoke that doesn't know how to stay in the smoking section, she doesn't know how to stay in her own bed. After 2 hours in the kitten bed, she jumps onto our bed and heads straight for my face. I have now lived through my worst fears: spiders and cats attacking my face. I don't want anything with claws attacking my face. I don't want anything that licks its own butt licking my face. Suki has claws and she licks her own butt. And she loves my face. Sleeping in our bed is not an option.  She's not scratching at the door to get in our room at night, she is just meowing at the air, the table, the couch.
As for getting another cat to keep her company, see the first paragraph. Why would I want two meowing cats? I am not falling for that trick twice!
I am also not going to let my beloved kitten out into the wild where there are turkey beasts, rabid raccoons, and coyotes salivating and ready to pounce. That would be like me telling you to let your toddler go play on the freeway so he can learn about tires. Kids  love things that spin, they need to be where they are with things they love!
 Are there videos like Baby Einstein but for cats that I can play on a continuous loop to stop the meowing? Is there an herbal spray to quiet her at night? Is there cat ambien? Will she just grow out of this (she's only 4.5 months now)? Should I get a giant teddy bear to trick her into thinking it's me? She could jump on the teddy bear's face instead! Help a sleepy seester out. How can I make my cat less meowy at night?