JOURNAL REVOLUTION

knock-ring-knock-ring

Dear Parents of Annoying Kids in my 'hood,
The next time your kid rings my doorbell then knocks on my door then rings the doorbell two more times all within 20 seconds, his head better be on fucking fire and there better be a wolf right behind him. It better not  be just so he can see if he can have an apple off my tree or so I can fetch a ball for him. I am done fetching.
Some people don't wear a bra or makeup or even matching clothes when they are at home and don't feel like answering their door. Also, some people saw that episode of Oprah where she tricked people into answering the door to strangers and they got robbed so they never answer the door in case it is Oprah playing a trick. Also, Some people work from home and can't rush to the door to stop it from being repeatedly knocked on because your kid doesn't know it's annoying to knock-ring-knock-ring for ten minutes. Kid, if I haven't answered after the first knock, LEAVE. Or, use your skills and read the DO NOT DISTURB sign first. Having to interrupt a call with a client because Jimmy is banging on the door for an apple is just not professional.
Also, parents, why are you letting your ten year-old kids go knock on someone's door alone? Why is that ok? Do YOU not watch Oprah? I am not sure what is bothering me more~ that nobody is teaching their kids how  to not be annoying or that all these kids are alone and knocking on the doors of strangers. Either way, it has to stop immediately.

Yours truly,
Your neighbor in the cheery yellow house with the peaceful Buddha on the front porch

in sync

This morning at 2:30 I woke up with a migraine. It's a common thing lately since I am at that stage in life where I either have my period every couple weeks with a killer migraine or my period never comes but there's a killer migraine. Actually, we are both at this stage since we are not that far apart in age and what happens to one happens to the other. We are in sync! It's been over 100 degrees here most days which is just wonderful when you are all hot flashy and migrainey. What a treat. Even at 2:30 in the morning it is hot.
My husband was still sleeping so I quietly got out of bed (which is downstairs) and went to the kitchen for some migraine and PMS from Hell relief. I bent down slightly to open the drawer where we keep the drugs and was stopped mid-reach with stabbing pain in my lower back. Great, just great. How come that little rubber band that ties all your lower body bones to your spine always stops working at dumb times? The drug drawer is right next to the freezer so I grabbed some ice with the drugs and made my way to the couch that is downstairs. The couch is near the fireplace and semi-far from a ceiling fan but was easy to get to in the dark and while walking like a duck. I'm lying there on the ice when I hear the bird that has made my chimney its home start to fly around and make noise. This freaks me out every time I hear it but usually it's in the day and when I can run away easily. And, even though I am sitting on ice, I feel a bit warm. It's late (or early depending on how you look at it) and I was in pain and I was pretty sure that mean bird would fly down the chimney, open the doors on the firescreen thing and peck me to death while I zoned out in a Vicodin haze. It took me about half an hour, but I made it upstairs to the other couch, one beneath a ceiling fan and in front of a tv. It was better there, air is blowing, the ice is working, but I could still hear the bird squeaking. So I turned the TV on but I couldn't reach the remote that changes the channel. It was stuck on some infomercial where really unattractive people claim they are now a size 8 and got that way by eating lots of foods they love. The Mexican woman was saying she lost weight eating lots of enchiladas and rice. The black woman said she lost weight eating fried chicken and corn bread. A white woman kept stuffing her face with hamburgers. And just as I was waiting in shock for one of my people to come on and say she lost 50 pounds eating kugel and knishes, I fell asleep.
I woke to the sound of tools being banged around and my husband mumbling and mad about the bathroom sink he was trying to fix. My head was still aching, my back throbbing, my ice had melted into a puddle that for a second made me nervous that I had the never-ending period,  and somehow now the mold and sludge in the pipes was my fault (even though it wasn't). The not very politically correct infomercial was over and now Gordon Ramsay and his weird horizontal chin wrinkle were telling someone to fuck off.The bird was still squeaking.
I thought for sure that part was just a bad dream.

Oooh, how I miss you

Today We're FEELIN' GROOVY about:
~Taking this is the worst birthday ever! photos with my niece even though it was not anyone's birthday. This is what people who don't drink do for fun when it is too damn hot to play outside! We dress up in vintage clothes, grab the camera and head straight for the laundry room.
~The caramel cashew cookies (in the tub) from my boyfriend Trader Joe. Just get two tubs the first time so you save yourself a second trip. Keep both tubs hidden under your desk.
~Jann Arden's new single, A Million Miles Away. I can't get it out of my head. The song is not available in America yet UNLESS you go visit Pam's blog and leave a comment for your chance to win one of twenty. Your odds are good. Oooh, how I miss you, how I miss you....man oh man, you'll be singing that around the house all day, just like I do. It's GREAT!
~My tea had real Splenda in it today. Life is back to normal.
~Remember when we volunteered to help the Holocaust survivors get reparations from a country we weren't supposed to talk about and then I got in trouble for writing about it? Good, because I can't write about it again.Two of the survivors won their claims! YAY!
~The new issue of Shambhala Sun is a good one. There's lots of art in this issue including one my favorite artists, Kaz Tanahashi.

Our Bêtes Noires:
~Even though it's really hot out, it's freezing inside everywhere. How are we supposed to dress?
~Shoes are now getting way uglier. It's a shame because that was all we bought when purses started going ugly right after clothes did.
~Everyone on TV is still talking about Michael Jackson. Really, WHO CARES? I know those dancing prisoners in that prison in the Phillipines do but I don't think they get MSNBC or CNN there. I think what most of us really care about is how do we find a doctor who will prescribe good drugs for our constant migraines? We don't need that deadly injectable stuff MJ had, we just want doctors who will actually give us drugs for real issues without us having to be moonwalking superstars. Is that so much to ask?

~If you lose your job that you have had for 25 years and a mountain of medical bills have you hating life, if you apply for that Obama thing that is supposed to help responsible homeowners lower their interest rates on their mortgages, the fine print you must agree to is that YOU WILL GET CREDIT COUNSELING. Wait, what?! How is it that losing your job because the factory closed and having no medical insurance makes you suddenly a loser who doesn't understand how to pay bills? I'd be PISSED if I were in that position. Governments do crappy things to their people.

***

I have new art in my shop.

this makes no sense

Karen and I don't live that far apart but far apart in the LA way that means we have to really plan the right time to visit each other or be stuck in traffic forever. Without traffic, we are about an hour away from each other. I had to go to Karen's house today to work on a thing and I planned it perfectly to arrive by noon and leave by 3:30. I brought donuts with me, partly as a photo prop but also to eat because you are supposed to take treats when you go to someone's house. Karen's daughter, Emily, really wanted to eat the donut with pink frosting and sprinkles and being the good aunt that I am, I told her she had to pose with it first. We are all work in this family. Karen was making a panini on the stove for her son while the donut negotiating was going on and when the donut came out of the box she came right over. That donut had magic powers and we were all transfixed. So enamored in fact, that Karen forgot about the panini until the smoke and flames brought us back to reality.
We had donuts and uncontrollable giggles for lunch.
So anyway, back to my point. I left at 3:30 and at 5:00 was still sitting in traffic. If nobody has a job anymore, why is rush hour traffic still so bad? This makes no sense.

disco-ballness

Every time I go to sit in the zen garden there is bird poop on the chairs and I have to hose them off. I go out there a few times a day (cookie breaks!) and this routine is tiring and gross. The good thing about the zen garden is it is shaded by a tree and the chairs are beneath the tree. I researched safe ways to keep birds away and the one that seemed most effective was to hang CD's from the tree branches with fishing line. The spinning and disco-ballness would repel the birds. OK!
I hung the CD's in various locations in the tree and a few on the main branch they like to use as a toilet which is right above the chairs.  The birds were staying away! I went outside with my cookies and sat down. A breeze started to blow and I looked up to see the CD's in action. I sat there startled for a moment, my head tilted up the way chiropractors tell you never to sit. The disco-y shadows from the hanging CD flashed on my neck.  If this were a movie, the light breeze would turn to a strong force that would pull that CD from the branch and slice my jugular vein. Safe for the birds maybe, but not for the poor cookie-eating girl sitting under the tree. The dangling CD's are weapons of unexpected death! And we all know if it can happen in a movie it can happen in reality.I flew to my feet and took my cookies and racing pulse to a different part of the garden.
Still, I want to go in my garden without the fear of decapitation and bird poop. So I tried hanging something soft. Poofy balls of glittery ribbon! Hopefully these will repel birds the same way or maybe birds will think the tree is a gift and just know not to land on it. Everyone knows you don't crap on someone else's gift.

Be comforted with a cupcake and some art

Aaaah,sugar, frosting, pink and purple roses! Sweet comfort.
This new piece on canvas is available in my shop. I wish an actual cupcake was available on my desk right now.

on the third day

The other day I got an email from a friend that a retrograde I was going to like was about to happen.  I only paid attention to the hellish Mercury in Retrograde because after that, I blocked out all retrogrades. This retrograde is Uranus in Retrograde and instead of a few horrible weeks of everything in your life going horribly wrong, breaking, or dying, you get 6 months of glorious change, awareness, and opportunity*. Oh my Buddha! Did we write this retrograde?
Uranus in Retrograde goes from July to December and man oh man, have I been noticing change in the last few days. My husband has gone back to work, I got good seats at a concert on my first try, I found t-shirts without capped sleeves, I found 2 dresses that fit, no stray animals have moved into my garden (and heart), and my boyfriend Trader Joe even stopped being an enabler. When I went to get some unsalted blister peanuts, the shelves were empty. My addiction ended cold turkey.
There has been one change I am not too happy about. For the last 4 days, the two Splendas the barista at Starbucks has been putting in my green tea taste like Nutrasweet. At first I was open to the change but it just tastes gross. On the third day, I went back in and asked for a new one. They assured me the new one had Splenda in it. It still tasted gross. This morning, I ordered my Venti Ice Green Tea with 2 Splendas and again, it's nutrasweet-y. What's going on with the Splenda? Is it just me or does it not taste the same anymore? Has Uranus In Retrograde made them change their flavor?  I will try it from a different Starbucks to see, because I am not ready for Starbucks to stop being an enabling lover yet, even though that might be good change.

*Really, change, awareness and opportunity are present all the time. You just have to keep your eyes and your mind open.

strawberry jam thumbprint

Since the great Spider Attack of '09, I've been getting many emails from Warrior Women who have killed spiders in their homes in my honor. I understand what a huge thing that is because until my face became  scarred by one of those bastards who wasn't really more afraid of me, I was terrified to kill spiders in anyone's honor, even my own. If I saw a spider on the wall, I'd close the door and run away! My husband rarely ever killed bugs in our house. He'd pick them up and put them back outside where they belong. He sees a spider in the house and it's dead now.
People have been asking me what great super power I got when bitten and this is it: I am no longer afraid to kill those MO FO SPIDERS!
My eye is doing better. Most of the swelling is gone and what remains is what looks like a slightly raised strawberry jam thumbprint. It still hurts and I prefer it not be there, but I am alive and Trader Joe's still exists. On days when the wind doesn't blow, my bangs cover the spot well enough and I am hopeful that the medication will fade the spot over time. I just hope people aren't wondering why there is strawberry jam on my temple. Really, that's an odd place for preserves.
Warrior Women, thanks for thinking of me.

*I don't kill spiders that are outside, just the indoor terrorist type.

What's for dinner?

This little 6x6 canvas is a sample piece I created before creating a much bigger version of it. I was going to hang it in my kitchen but I don't have any space for it. I bet it would look smashing in YOUR kitchen! It's in my shop now.

still fresh

There's this thing that happens to people as they age and it's frightening.  We experienced this thing the hard way with our Nana and now we see it with other aging relatives. People over the age of 65 do not ever notice, pay attention to, or care about expiration dates on food. They also still defrost chicken on the kitchen counter at room temperature. What causes this? When do you stop not wanting to prevent suffering from horrible food poisoning?
Last week my husband went out of town for a few days so I stocked up on necessities I'd need for a busy week of working at home. And by necessities I mean ice cream, cookies, and bagels. I'm trying to be healthier and  Uranus is in Retrograde, so it's the Season of Sudden Change. I went for the "healthy" blueberry bagels instead of the plain or onion I normally get. Man oh Man! These babies are tasty toasted with some cream cheese! On day three of having the bagels, before slicing one I thought I should check to make sure they were still fresh because I'm only 40 and the thing hasn't captured me yet. I was about to look for signs of mold when I realized blueberries in boiled bread LOOK LIKE MOLD.
Great.
I'm going back to plain bagels.