someone I knew

It's Father's Day this weekend and that seems like a really good time to  not really but sort of indirectly talk about our deadbeat dad.

When Little Orphan Annie first started coming around last year I was afraid of her and her claws that could scratch me to death. I'd been really wanting a dog but not wanting to clean up barf or poop or be sad when the dog died, so I just loved dogs belonging to other people. But Annie was very persistent and just would not leave me alone. And, since I am not really a cold-hearted bitch, I was nervous about her being alone in the world and would pet her, feed her and talk to her all day long. One day, she put her paw on my leg and just as I was about to run away screaming, I noticed she had no claws! A cat without claws is basically A DOG! The deal was sealed.

I always felt bad for Annie. She was a good cat. She was curious and smart, loved the camera,  and was easily annoyed by the ball tossing kids across the fence. Why would someone just abandon a cute little kid (I mean CAT)  like that? She reminded me a lot of someone I knew many years ago.

When we were kids we had a dog named Sam. She was the best dog ever. We were the worst pet owners ever (I know this now). We were little kids. We didn't know how to take care of a dog and were doing our best to take care of ourselves in a bad situation. Sam was our best friend, our confidant, the furry ball of love we hid under our beds with. We probably didn't feed her the right food or walk her enough, and we certainly didn't give her enough baths. She didn't seem to mind. She'd sit with us for hours while we'd wait for a person who said they'd come get us but never showed up. She'd sit there with 8 hands petting her at the same time and just return the love. When other people failed us, Sam was always there. When we couldn't see her, we could for sure smell her.

Sometimes while I am working, from my window I watch the little boy next door play in my front yard. He's the one who came to get Annie after the earthquake. His single mom  rents a room next door in a house painted the saddest shade of green. He's a good little boy. He likes to play Star Wars with his lightsaber and our apple tree as his shield. Sometimes I hear him telling other kids very magical stories about his dad who is rich and athletic and can do no wrong. He usually tells these stories while he waits for the perfect dad who is always way late in picking him up (I always wait to hear his his excuse), if he shows up. More recently, the perfect dad has been coming less and I noticed the little boy loving Annie more (when he'd get her back at night after I'd spend all day spoiling her).

I think I was about 13 years old when Sam was put to sleep. She was old and sick and smelled really bad. That part I remember. Our mom made an appointment to have Sam put to sleep and didn't tell us. I am sure she didn't know how to. I found out by accident when the vet's office called to confirm the appointment the day before and I answered the phone. I also remember wanting to throw up. The next morning, right before she went to the vet, I did the only thing I knew to do. I took the last photo of Sam. She was sleeping curled real tight in the family room in her favorite spot by the sliding door. Her head was resting on her fluffy tail, like usual. I've had this photo with me since then, like a prisoner who keeps a photo of a tropical island taped to the wall of his cell.

Shortly after Sam was put to sleep, we moved away.

A couple weeks ago, my husband and I were outside when the little boy came up to us to tell us Annie was dead. He said the neighbors found her body. She had been attacked by a coyote at night. He said it very matter-of-factly. I wanted to cry. But I didn't (then). We told him we were so sorry and that she was a great cat and tried to make him feel ok. We had to go somewhere and as we drove off, the little boy waved goodbye at us, grabbed his lightsaber and got to playing in our yard.

Today, Goth Wiccan packed up all her stuff and her little boy and they moved out.

Comments

[Pamela Detlor]

Well, you made me cry. Poor little Annie had the best of both worlds with you by day and the boy by night. She gave love when you both needed it - and maybe didn't realize it. It is so hard to lose an animal. They are family. But not allowing them into our lives cheats us and them. Nothing on this earth can teach us about loving unconditionally like an animal that is loved. They are forgiving, and constant.

I hope you find a new furry baby soon - not to replace Annie, that will never happen, but to teach you patience with yourself. There is a new personality out there waiting for you to bring him/her/them home :)

Childhood can be hell, in the wrong circumstances - thank the universe for these dear creatures who NEVER let us down. Saviors come in all forms.

Love,
Pam xox

[Maria]

OMG, Linda. My eyes are filled with tears. Thank you for sharing. I second Pam's thoughts. Don't cheat yourself of getting the unconditional love you can get from a furry baby. Should I bring the kitty now? If I start driving now, I'll be there by 7 or 8 in the morning!!!

[Sandy]

I'm so happy you got to have both Sam and Annie in your life. They both brought you joy. I really hope you will get another pet, you won't regret it. If anything it will give you great stories to blog about. I love my pets, even though I constantly bitch about all the time it takes to take care of them. I wouldn't trade them and I pay out the ass when they get sick or have to have surgery. They are like family and give us hours of laughs.

You're right, both my dogs and cats will sit for hours right beside me and just wait for a simple pat on the head or for me to talk to them. It's great.

I'm so sorry about Annie, I loved hearing about her. I'm sorry the little boy moved and it's sad that his Dad like so many other parents don't take a greater role in their children's lives.....

[Compost Studios]

This story moves me and hurts me on so many levels. Thanks for sharing it.

V-Grrrl

[CarrieJ]

We have always had pets to love on, and those few years of college without one were a little strange. I have never (as in I was 2 and will NEVER remember) had a father (or had to wait around for one to show up when he said he would-cuz he didn't even pretend), and thankfully have never had to miss one.
The best thing about animals. They love you the way a parent should. Unconditional, all the time, even when you don't love them back. Animals will just wait until you decide to love them back.
One day you will find the perfect addition to the Woods household.

[Kathleen]

So ya had to write a blog about a dog, a cat AND a little boy with a lightsaber eh? Well, I've had the family dog that had to be put to sleep, I've had the cat die at my feet and I have a little boy that reacted just like the little boy in your story when the cat died at my feet. Yup I teared up reading this and I think, to be honest, one even spilled over. Animals provide us with unconditional love, they hear all we say and never tell. When you're ready perhaps another pet will call to you and you'll look and say, "I want that one". Beautiful blog Linda.

[Donna]

Wow! Beautifully written. Moving, relatable, and ... tear-jerking! I always enjoy your posts.

[BellaKarma]

As sad as this post is, it is one of your best! Being able to relate to a majority of the story is an understatement.

[Lori]

Thanks for this post, Linda. I've been wondering what happened to Annie. It makes me so sad. Our cat Max was taken by a coyote right in front of my husband! Max had claws, but was not particularly world-smart. He was so trusting and full of personality. He draped himself over the edges of things (top of a ladder, arm of a couch, stucco wall) so that his legs would just hang on either side. I miss him so much. My husband ran after the coyote, but then realized Max was already dead. It was awful. One thing I know...both Annie and Max were loved and knew it. Take care.

[Kimberly Reed]

holy crap this made me cry.
amazing words.
amazing emotion.

[clarissa]

So sorry about poor Annie. My first declaration is cats should never be declawed; it's a horrible thing. My second, if someone is so worried about their damned precious furniture or whatever, and they find a vet who will do the mutilation, they are forever bound to protect the cat who can no longer protect itself. As long as declawed cats exist, they should be kept indoors.
Still, I allow my cats outside (claws and all), and they do sometimes meet with tragedy. Nothing is quite like a cat-shaped hole in the heart. I suppose we human types would not like being kept locked up indoors, bound in a plastic bubble, 'for our own good'. I'm sorry Annie didn't have the defenses nature gave her when her fateful moment came. Perhaps it wouldn't have saved her, but maybe she wouldn't have felt so helpless at the end.
I'm glad she had her time with you, the reluctant cat lady. Odds are you both taught each other a little something about preconceived notions, and it's clear that you gave extra quality to her time here. Beware; there may be another cat waiting (or perhaps Annie in her next life.......).

[Tracey]

This is definitely sad and you made me cry. But I enjoyed reading it nonetheless. I can totally relate. I have a picture of my dog max (a beautiful black lab) that I always keep with me. She was only seven years old (I was 16) when my dad took her away from me and had her put to sleep. Even after all these years, I still cry sometimes when I think about her. She wasn't sick. My dad was just jealous. And I'll most likely never forgive him. How can I forgive him when I can't even forgive myself. I know it wasn't my fault, but I can't help wondering if there wasn't something I could've done to stop him.

Sorry for unloading here...sometimes I can't help myself. Our pets are definitely part of the family and I'll never understand how some people can be so cruel.

I'm really sorry to hear about Annie. And I'm also sorry about Sam.

[Glenda Tkalac]

Aw man, I'm sitting here in my cubicle at work all teared up. I too have a little Sam and he will be 12 this fall, along with his trusty sidekick Skyler, who will also be 12. It breaks my heart to know this time wil come for me. That is a beautiful picture to have kept. I need to do more scrappy layouts and journal pages on my dogs.

[daniela]

oh damnit, this hurts like hell. i'm at a loss for something profound and reassuring to say. i'm just really really sorry, for you and him and them and us and all who love and lose with that extra hard twisting jab.