we need a number

We love the fine folks at Borders. They always get our names right and they always make two signs for us to steal when our event is over! We never have to have the you can have the sign in winter and I'll have it in spring chat on the way home from an event with Borders.

On Saturday night, Tod called to tell us that it was unbearably hot at the Festival of Books and if  people weren't going to be looking at him,  he'd just wear shorts and a t-shirt. Really fucking hot, he said. He told me that even though people will be looking at us, we should just wear  t-shirts but for the love of God, man, don't wear BLACK! It's hot, wear WHITE! That is easy for a man to say. I am an artist, I can't wear white! I must wear black, it is the law. Also, I have a big chest and I am at the roly poly age, so yeah. Must wear black. Karen could wear white because she is thin, but she doesn't look good in white, either. Searching for the perfect not white shirt to wear made us wonder...
How many degrees hotter does wearing a black shirt make you? Really, we need a number.

All the people in sweaty white shirts looked really hot, too. The white shirt people looked as hot as the dark colored tee wearing people, so there.

Moments from the FOB:
*We were in the green room and hallway with Aimee Mann. OMG.
* During our signing, Karen saved my life. A giant bug was about to kill me
*When I noticed how odd it was that I'd been at the festival for 3 hours and nobody had given me a free tote bag yet, Lee whipped one out of his bag for me! I love free tote bags!
* Dumb asses lined up at the Borders booth where we were doing a book signing then asked us for directions to the LA Times tent. It should be no surprise that the dumb asses were all men.
* There was really good cake in the green room (also known as the super secret air conditioned room full of food and water for the authors)
*Male writers are still too hairy. I know we often come away from these literary events with this observation but it is still true. Men, you need to shave. You need to get haircuts. You need to stop living only in your dark room lit by the light of your computer screen. Get out of the house and into a salon! You'd have way more sex if you looked better. And, judging by most of the conversations we heard, sex is all these male writers want or want to talk about. Well, duh, it is all all men want. Well, actually, it's all they want TOD to talk about when he moderates panels. Odd, that.
*Just as we were about to hang with Julie Andrews that thing that I was waiting for that should've been here 15 days ago decided to arrive. Of course it did, I am me! Luckily, I was not wearing white because it was not easy to get to the super secret author bathroom way the hell far away from where we were and through the masses of people in the hot, hot, hot sun. By the time we got through all the people and out of the bathroom, Julie vanished in a poof of air! WTF? Good thing we have already seen her a few times before.

I put a few of our photos from the day in my flickr.

Comments

[suzi finer]

I don't remember ever being quite so hot as I was yesterday. We did make it over to Westwood at 2:30, but instead of hitting the overly-crowded-with-sweaty-people FOB, Ben and I had a Harold & Kumar experience. Let me tell you, it is quite embarassing to see this particular movie with a 15 year old boy. Very uncomfortable (yet comfortable, as it was AIR CONDITIONED!)
So happy to read that your experience was an overall good one, you best-selling-authors-you!
~love

[Maria]

You are hillarious! That thing you were waiting for certainly had a very inappropriate time to show up. But then again, doesn't it always? I hate it when it happens. Although it also makes me happy every time it does show up...it totally beats the alternative! LOL.

I'll have my fifth grader figure out the number for you. I'm sure she can pull up her science books and give you an exact number...she is funny that way.

And had I not been totally sick this weekend, I would have been there with you, wearing black, too! Black is my favorite color to wear any season of the year! I am convinced it slims down and I love ANYTHING that will make me slim down. Even if it's only in my head! LOL.

[Jake]

aimee mann! sweet. i am tres jalouse. let's meet terri nunn next weekend, k? gotta keep the 80s rolling. just saying-

colors also acceptable for artists:
purple
navy
brown (only if you're a crunchy granola, tree-hugging type though. on second thought, no brown)
mahogany
&
burgundy

[deborah mori]

Oh man was it ever HOT that day! I was so excited to be there, I dragged my friend with me and we scoured the place for you and your sister. I live in San Diego so I didn't have the schedule in advance so I got there way too late to meet you and buy your book. Well, I'll just have to get it from my local Borders but it really would have been nice to say hello. Glad you had a fun time.
Oh, BTW, you can wear white but just accessorize with ALOT of black. You'll still look all artsy and stuff!
Nice blog, LOVE it.

[kelly snelling]

it makes me so happy that in spite of signing your books at the most fabulous festival of books one of the highlights was the really good cake in the green room. you are so my kind of girl! and it is so nasty hot out here right now that you should wear black but carry some big frightening black umbrella to give you shade in a mysteriously artistic fashion. heh.

[CarrieJ]

blah blah black ... kidding, love black :) But, if you do decide to go with white, you can have a white I AM ART shirt made, then force all the weird stalkery people that came to get your signature sign your tee. The you can use it as evidence if you ever have to file charges or a restraining order!
... it could happen :)

(I think this was much funnier the first time I typed it, but then I hit send before I realized my name wasn't up there ... garrrrhhhh)

[manymeez]

No white for me either, unless it's an accent color. I love Black, and will wear it no matter how hot. But I find grey (or is it gray) IDK, anyway to be almost as comfy as black...

Oh, and are you saying that all male authors look like stephen king??? oh my!!!!

Hey Linda!!! thanks for making me laugh!!!

[Beef]

Linda, If I didn't know with absolute certainty that I wasn't at the book festival thingy, I would have said that the picture of the gal in green was me!!! Thats just about the same outfit I was wearing in S.F.. Hey, I haven't checked my closet lately, did she pilfer the jacket from me???