attracting gunk

My husband is obsessed with getting our cars washed all the time. He thinks cars go faster when they are clean. I suspect this is just something that goes along with being a male, because growing up we heard this often from our grandfather. Albeit, the crazy grandfather, but whatever. Men think cars work better when they are sparkly and clean. It's obvious when my car is not clean because it is black. At home, it is always parked in the garage (next to my husband's perfect car) so not one speck of dust gets on it. And because I am me, lately every time my husband gets my car washed, I leave my car alone for an hour and return to it covered in gunk.
Two weeks ago, Karen and I met in Sherman Oaks. I parked my car in a residential neighborhood and hopped in to her also black-but happily filthy- car. When we returned a few hours later, someone had thrown a vanilla milkshake on my car!  The entire front end of my car was covered in shake that was now baked on. Oh my Buddha!  I got home and my husband rushed my car to the Soapy Suds and made it whole again.
Saturday, I met some friends in lovely South Pasadena. I parked my shiny clean car on a residential street (again), hopped into my friend's car, then we painted the town red for a few hours. We returned to my car:

This photo does not even-at all- depict how much bird poop was on my car. All over my car... the doors, the windows, the trunk. None of us had ever seen so much bird poop in our lives! No other car around mine had any bird poop on it at all. It wasn't even normal sized bird poop. It was bird poop from Pterodactyls.
My husband almost needed the paddles of life to get his heart going again when he saw it.

Before I returned to my bird poop car, we stopped at Barnes & Noble to read all the mags without buying any. I turned around and a frat guy coughed on me. I now am pretty sure I have a combination of mono, pneumonia, strep throat, a sinus infection, and an ear infection.  I don't know what the deal is but I keep attracting gunk in all forms. Ok, at least I for sure have the sinus-ear thing.
Time to drink some DayQuil and get to work.

Comments

[leah]

What is it with guys and clean cars? We live in the desert - even when just sitting in the garage my black car gets covered in dirt. If I could get my husband to keep a toilet as clean as he keeps his truck...

[claudine hellmuth]

LOL!! you crack me up. this is why I never was my car, it gets dirty as soon as it is washed!
xxxox

[Joanne G.]

My car is gray. You can't tell it's dirty, til it's REALLY dirty.
I, also LOVE to go to B&N and read a great big stack of magazines without buying any. I sip a smoothie while doing it, and have a relaxing day out, and get inspired.

[Anea]

I am terrified about this male phenomena of car / truck washing as my partner is getting a truck today! He never complained about my car being dirty until we moved to Texas last year and now every week or so he is insisting that I have it (functionally) detailed. I have visions of him polishing his new truck daily... AAACCCHHH!

[tod goldberg]

I spent an hour Sunday getting both our cars washed. It cost $50. I had no problem whatsoever paying that. A clean car is a sign of male virility, like an erection that comes with 8 speakers.

[Lynne Morrell]

Hilarious!
I wash my car when we need rain. I KNOW that when my car is beautiful and sparkling....the rain gods smile and say "come on fellas, time to roll!"

I have a bright sky blue VW beetle and I must say...it does seem to smile a bit brighter when I wash it:)

[suzi finer]

While I was out of town last week, I left the car with Mr. Hubs...who said he washed it. I think he washed it with shit, 'cause my silver car is now painted with white blotches. Stupid. Like he had to park outside at all.
love.

[John]

Too funny! Typically all that happens when I wash my car is it rains! I'm not sure its just a man thing though. I dated a woman who religeously washed her car 2 time a week. (fortunately the inside was always trashed from fast food wrappers)