There have been many times that I have held a soft leather Coach bag in my hands and thought I'd kill for this only to set it back down and hope it'd make it to the outlet. And last week, as my tenth wedding anniversary rolled around, I almost died for one. Not that I need an excuse to stop by the Coach store, but a tenth anniversary gift wrapped in Coach paper sounded pretty good to me. Since I'm there buying a gift for him, I may as well see what they have for me. I popped a Luden's oblong cough drop in my mouth (thanks to the lifelong sore throat) and headed in. Oh my Buddha. There were new colors, new styles, new everything. I didn't know what to look at first. The salesgirl lead me to the new men's wallets just as the oblong cough drop went out of control and slid down my throat, getting stuck in just the wrong place. She was opening the new wallets and describing them in great detail as I gasped for air. Who doesn't gasp when the new Coach wallets are being revealed?! There was no air. NO AIR AT ALL. I could not cough or speak or swallow. Oh No! I need the Heimlich! I'm gonna die. I am gonna fucking die in the Coach store on my anniversary! The girl went on to describe the checkbook cover as my eyes bulged and started to water. I remembered the time Karen choked on an orange and threw herself against a wall to dislodge it. I saw no walls- just floor to ceiling bright white cubbies filled with leather goodies. I am going to die and nobody knows I am here. Well, there are worse places to die. Still no air and I could feel veins popping out in my head. My slow choking death was being misinterpreted as excitement. Holy fucking cow. I am really dying. I felt the girl's hand on my shoulder. Oh thank you, she's going to save my life. "Look up", she said, " We got the new Hamptons bag in PLUM suede!" Dying or not, I have to see THAT! I looked up and as I did, the stupid oblong cough drop somersaulted with great force back into my mouth, almost knocking out my front teeth.
The Hamptons Suede Satchel saved my life.
I got a gift for my husband and was so delighted at not being dead, I skipped on the gift for myself. I decided this little near death experience was one of those stories best not shared with my husband who may not see the humor in it. Karen will love it, though! Sisters always love stories of near death at Coach!
A couple days went by, and last night I met Karen for dinner, very eager to tell her how she almost inherited my collection of Coach bags, Chico's jackets, and the secret bag of candy hidden in my office. I even brought a cough drop prop so she could really see how bad it was. After all, SHE was the one who got me hooked on them. I tell her the story. We laugh, we cry, we order more cake. My cell phone rings (let's pause for a moment---the phone rang and I actually answered it.) and my husband tells me to hurry home, he has a surprise for me. Yeah, like I am gonna leave my sister and cake. A couple hours go by and he calls again...hurry up and get home, I have a surprise and I need to get to bed. I think we all know what I thought the "surprise" would be....eh, I can wait on that. Karen and I took our sweet sisterly time before I made my way home.
I walked in and almost choked to death, again. There on the chair was a big Coach bag with my name on it. D, is the surprise in the Coach bag?
Oh, I thought you meant a different kind of surprise.
I opened the box in the bag and what do I see....
He surprised me with the Coach bag that saved my life and he didn't even KNOW it saved my life.