JOURNAL REVOLUTION

little sweeties

I had such a good day today that I almost forgot how bad my hair looks. My camera and I had the honor and privilege of visiting the famous Hansen's Cakes of Beverly Hills  (yes, I went to Beverly Hills with Fang Hair) where I was treated like royalty and ate cake like it was my last day on this planet. A planet full of sweet, soft, delicious cake with just the right amount of frosting. Carrot cake, marble  with chocolate chip frosting, lemon coconut, chocolate mocha, sponge and strawberry, red velvet ~ each one better than the bite before it. Wait, was I dead and in heaven? I think so. There's frosting all over my camera so it must be true that I was really there!
I have posted a few photos of the deliciousness in my flickr. I am sure some of these sweeties will be making future appearances in some art and one of the sweeties from the cake team will be making an appearance in this little book* of ours.

If you need a cake or cupcakes for a special event or just because you have raging PMS and bad haircut and need some comforting, get in touch with the fine folks at Hansen's. You will not be sorry. You can even walk in off the street and get a nice big cupcake for less than $2. I love them. 

*Coming soon, very soon! Yay!

oh no you don't

Just some stuff~

*We have always been really fond of the Juicy Couture ad campaigns. We're not so fond of the clothes with JUICY on the butt, but the ad campaigns have always been really cool. Their new campaign has a great new slogan and it's plastered all over magazines, ads, and store walls and windows. And there's a huge ERROR that apparently not one person caught before everything was printed. Their slogan is DO THE DON'TS. Actually, their slogan is DO THE DONT'S. They put the apostrophe between the T and the S instead of between the N and the T, where it belongs. Hmmmm. Juicy People, DO THE PROOFING!

*Yesterday, I was out doing some shopping and when I got back to my car, the car next to me was parked way too close and I had to do that sideways maneuver to get in that  requires you toss your bags and purse in first then you try to edge in twisty shoulder first. I finally get in, I'm putting on my seat belt and BAM! BAM! BAM! I get the bejesus scared out of me by a crazy looking -frothy at the mouth-woman banging loudly on my driver's side window. She had a toddler in a stroller and was banging on my car and was fast and furiously rubbing a dirty HELP ME I AM HOMELESS AND NEED MONEY sign all over my window. I have no idea how she fit in the space between the two cars with her stroller. Maybe she was in the car next to mine. I don't know. She totally startled me with her sudden violent banging  so I banged back and told her to fuck off. I know, I know, not the most compassionate response. It's hard to be generous or compassionate when your heart is pounding out of your chest and you feel trapped. She moved on to another woman getting in her car. Of course I feel sorry for homeless moms (don't send me hate mail). In that moment, though, I was more scared than feeling sorry for anyone. If you want people to help you, don't scare the shit out of them.

*Our medical insurance no longer covers non-generic prescription medications. This is the lamest thing ever. Generic migraine medications do not work at all. The problem is you don't know this until you've been taking the placebo pills for a month and are dying of migraines and real migraine drug withdrawal. Pretty soon I am going to be banging on car windows with a sign that says HELP ME I HAVE A MIGRAINE.

a pair of horns

Today We're FEELIN' GROOVY about:
Nothing. I got the worst haircut ever and it's all I can think about. It's all Karen is hearing about. It's all that is happening.

Our Bêtes Noires:
~I got the worst fucking haircut EVER! I even said at the time that it was flawed and wrong and ways to fix and it and the stylist just suggested that um wool I might like it better when I go home and blow dry it myself. The back and front are not connected and I think there are STEPS in the back but every time I go to look I nearly faint. If I put gel in the back I could be the Jewish Geisha Kate Gosselin. Photos here and here (of course). I am going to a new stylist to get repaired on friday.
~People these days just put a mask on and call it a Halloween costume. What happened to costume planning? When we were kids we'd spend weeks planning our costumes made of boxes and paper and glue. Costumes need not be expensive but shouldn't they be more than just a pair of horns on a headband or a mask? We think so.
~Women calling themselves COUGARS to sound all hot and sexy. Oh come on. It's just lame. Real really confident women don't need to call themselves pussycat to be attractive.
~My dumbass boyfriend Trader Joe has discontinued the bbq chicken in the tub. I have no idea what my husband and I will eat now. This cougar better find some new meat.
~As soon as I announce that I am super busy with a deadline to meet, everyone wants me to do stuff with them then gets all pissy when I say I can't right now. Even if I could, my hair looks too bad for me to leave the house. Sorry.

black seeds

Little black seeds that resemble bugs are a bad idea in salads.  I think they are a bad idea in most foods, but especially so in salad. Bugs do live in lettuce. The Pasadena Salad from my Boyfriend Joe is really good but it takes 3 hours to eat it because you have to check to make sure each seed is not a flea, legless ant, or cockroach and after all that, you just aren't hungry anymore.

Swine flew

The other day I was listening to the radio and they had this report about swine flu. I was sort of interested and sort of not because I think I have only ever gotten the flu a couple times in my entire life. We both only ever get really bad strep throat and sinus infections and we get those regularly. I have never gotten a flu shot and was pretty convinced I'd not get the swine flu shot, too. The announcer sounded very excited about her next bit of reporting with NEW DETAILS!!! She had statistics that show that women do a much better job than men do of washing their hands, covering their mouths when they cough and sneeze,and in general not being gross.  Even though Karen was not in the car with me when I heard that report, I gave her the look. Well, duh. Even the cleanest man is gross. Have you ever lifted up the toilet seat where a man has peed? There is always pee on the seat. Always. Have you ever been in a waiting room anywhere full of mostly men? The sounds you hear will prevent you from eating ever again.
I am not going to get a swine flu shot. I am just going to avoid men.


*Photo by Dustin Woods

sweet and sugary

Today We're FEELIN' GROOVY about:
~A fun night out with Jeanne and her daughter, Cassidy, at the Brandi Carlile concert! It's so great not to have to pretend I don't say fuck a lot.
~Last night I noticed Suki sitting at the sliding door meowing to herself (that part isn't weird). I turned on the light and got quite a shock! Apocalypse was sitting right there talking back! We had not seen her in months.
~The article where I call my leetle brother sparkly is out now. It's a really good article especially if you are close with your siblings, you'll get it. If not, you'll wish you were. Or, if you are one of the people who really hates Tod, it will give you more stuff to write in your I HATE TOD GOLDBERG articles. Also, you will find out stuff about us you never knew. Go read it.
~Queen Latifah's new perfume, Queen, smells really good. It's very sweet and sugary and  similar to Angel, but kind of more like A-Men.
~Chai lattes in my own house, whenever I want.
~The rolling cat litter box works GREAT! I never thought I'd ever write about litter boxes. I was skeptical and that it was a scam, but the Omega Paw does really work. The only thing is it takes a lot of space to roll it. We have it in a small bathroom and have to take it out of the bathroom to roll it. It's totally worth it. Totally. And, it's not exactly "self-cleaning" since you do have to roll the box. It's just that you don't have to scoop or dig.
~Caramel Chunky Kit Kats. Delish.

Our Bêtes Noires:
~I can't drink my chai latte at home out of a real cup. I am so used to drinking drinks from paper cups with straws that drinking out of a mug seems awkward and weird and I end up spilling everything down the front of me. Starbucks is doing to drinking what email and texting are doing to handwriting.
~The bottle Queen Latifah's perfume comes in is too embarrassing to have on your bathroom counter and almost too embarrassing to go sniff in public. It's odd because Queen Latifah is our fantasy cool aunt and we expected a cool bottle. It's the perfect bottle for a barbie doll who lives in her camper in Las Vegas. It's worse (and somehow different) in reality than on the website. Not that there's anything wrong with living in a camper in Las Vegas.
~Coach makes ugly purses now. We need a new favorite leather purse maker. Or even fake leather. Just not shiny crap with huge buckles and unusable pockets.
~Hotels and airports need to stop storing extra toilet paper in the space behind the current roll in use--you cannot ROLL the roll with that extra one there!
~Why can't anyone make tissue or wipes that do not stick together, causing you to pull out 20 at a time?!
~The BODY SHAPE pads fit NO better than the "we thought nothing about your body shape when we made these suckers" pads

*This should be the PMS list, in which all things bathroom annoy the fuck out of us.

rolly poly bits

Today We're FEELIN' GROOVY about:
~It's red scarf and hot chocolate weather
~The Trader Joe's apple bread mix was better than I expected it to be. It does need cool whip or cream cheese. At first, when it was warm I tasted a bit of fake appleness but the next day when I ate the second half of the loaf for breakfast, I decided it was really good and the fakiness was gone.
~A new Brandi Carlile CD! I'm still not sick of her first two so I now need a cd player that can hold more discs. I'm loving her new one and can not wait for her concert this weekend. I'm loving Pride & Joy and Dying Day. Actually, I like the entire cd. You won't be disappointed if you are a Brandi fan.
~Another new cd! Highwire by Dawn Langstroth. WOW! Check  out her video for Dark and Twisted. Oh how I love this song. You can read more about her on Pam's blog, The ThoughtVox.
~Glamour magazine is featuring "real women" with rolly poly bits just like the rest of us have! Not on the cover, mind you, but in the magazine at least.
~So glad we had the chance to meet Huston Smith in person in our lifetime. There's a great article about him in the current issue of Shambhala Sun magazine.
~McDonald's chicken snack wraps are really good. They may not actually qualify as a snack calorie-wise, but they are a tasty lunch.


Our Bêtes Noires:
~None of the "real women" in Glamour Magazine have double chins. Or triple chins. They all have thin necks and one chin. Hmmmm.
~Columbus Day. Lame. Let's keep the economy going by not closing things like the post office and bank so we can get stuff done.
~People making things way harder than they have to be and taking a long time to do it.
~In the first rain of this fall, I discovered the one little difference between Costco Uggs and real Uggs: the Costco ones lose their tread within 9 mos, causing extreme slipperyness on wet ground.  Sorry, no iPhone pics available. (<---- It's Karen wearing Uggs. I still make fun of people who wear them. She has to wear them because of the never ending toe saga)
~McDonald's grilled chicken anything-but-snack-wrap are horrid.
~Karen's daughter is turning 15 on this weekend which must mean WE HAVE AGED, TOO.

tossing

We have about 2 weeks to finish working on this and since I like to wait until the last minute to do everything, I am now really busy. So of course this is also the time my husband ordered a big garbage bin be delivered to our house for the remains of a fence and whatever else I want to toss in there. Oh how tempting! I don't even have a lot of stuff I need to toss but the fact that I CAN toss it makes me want to just run through my house grabbing stuff to dump in the bin.
I know all the shows tell you to make piles to separate the donations from what you are really tossing but have you tried to donate anything lately? Pretty much the only thing donation centers will take are Lucky Jeans NEW WITH TAG,  dishes still in the box, and unopened video games. You also won't get a tax deductible receipt for these items anymore. Nobody wants anything they can't resell on ebay. Donating stuff is just too damn much work. Unless a friend wants it, it's easier to toss all your stuff in the bin you are paying for and hope the Recycle Fairy at the other end sorts through your stuff and sends your old stretched out clothes to Mexico. Who really has time to drive around with 6 bags of crap in their trunk trying to find a place that will take it? That can't be good for the environment and it ends up costing money in gas and multiple trips to Starbucks. So yeah, I am tossing it all, without guilt.
All this purging feels good.

freedom to toss

Today We're FEELIN' GROOVY about:
~We have a recipe in a cookbook with Diana Gabaldon, Margaret Atwood and Lisa See. That's a damn cool list to be on! Our recipe is for banana bread that isn't dry and flavorless.
~Fantasy pumpkins. Oh how we love these. They should be available all year.
~Fingerless gloves. I can keep my hands warm and still use my iPhone non-stop. Also, I feel like I am still in the 80's.
~A big garbage bin is being delivered here tomorrow. Ah, the freedom to toss stuff.
~BIG Wheat Thins.Thinner than the original size and just as addictive.
~Bloggers will be legally required to disclose when they are being paid to say they like a product. I bet many bloggers won't be claiming acid free adhesive works better than the chemical glue now. I am happy to say nobody has ever paid us to say anything. Though, we pay Trader Joe an awful lot to try his food and tell you how good it is (or isn't).

Our Bêtes Noires:
~We keep getting proof that nobody listens to anything we say especially if the word no is involved.
~My house is so cold that I need to wear the gloves inside.
~I feel like a wino wearing fingerless gloves.
~Pumpkin pie. Gross. It has the texture of a lip (yes, I say this every fall and it's still true).
~For the first time in her entire life, Karen forgot her makeup bag in a hotel. She didn't realize it until she was at the airport trying to get a new flight since she missed the one she was to be on. Luckily, the hotel peeps found the makeup bag and didn't steal her Bobbi Brown trio of eye shadows! They are fed-exing her makeup back. Whew!
~The world is coming to an end. After months of not seeing her, yesterday I saw Apocalypse the black cat outside. Not good, not good at all.

on the account of the economy

Every time I talk to our leetle brother, Tod, I try to start at least one sentence with on the account of the economy because it makes him crack up when I sound all Bruce Springsteeny. Things are changing in my neighborhood on the account of the economy and it's a bit creepy.
I suspect I won't be able to write about my neighbors much longer because everyone is getting all chummy on the account of the new creepiness and I am pretty sure that someone will tell someone that the guy who looks all good Christiany (but is not) is married to a Jew (with g-a-y friends) who blogs and then my secret will be out. I am still shocked it wasn't out when Goth Wiccan ended up being my surgery nurse! But, nobody has said anything and if they did, well that would make an awesome post!
We live near a lake and up until about a year ago, all the neighbors would park their boats, Hummers, and big ass gas-guzzling SUVs all over the street as symbols of how much money they had (and how small other things were). People were not really talking to each other because they just did I HAVE MONEY drive by's. See my boat! See my car! See my tricked out RV! See, I AM AMAZING!!!!
On the account of the economy, the cars and boats and phallic symbols slowly started disappearing from the driveways and streets and were replaced with smaller, more economical cars. The mornings filled with the sound of engines revving were being replaced with the sound of barking dogs. When people lost their big cars, they got big dogs. Big barking dogs. And everyone now stands in their front yard with their big dogs barking and unleashed. Then, when another neighbor comes out with their dog, the first unleashed dog runs over to sniff the new dog and the neighbors start chasing their dogs and sniffing each other.
Our new next door neighbors got a Great Pyrennees puppy. It's a male and it will be huge. Its bark will be a mighty roar.
My wee kitten and I sit in the window watching the interactions as we predict which neighbor will now be getting a Great Dane, on the account of the economy.